Losing friends, Gaining hurt and Believing love
by aFALLENromantic
Summary: First fanfic! One party ruined a chance at love, took away friendship and brought heartache. Bella left that night only to take comfort in the pain that she would never be with Edward. Or would she? What has fate got in store for her?
1. Painful, Shameful but Goodbye

**Hey, This is my first story. Please feel free to tell me anything that I have to improve and I will do my best to live upto your expectations:) This story is not only about love but about self belief, trust and true friendship. **

**Disclaimer: I don not own Twilight, it is owned by Stephenie who does greater justice to the characters than I do. (Of course that is why she is the owner and not me :)**

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><p><strong>Painful, Shameful but Goodbye<strong>

_"Somehow I know we'll meet again. Not sure quite where and I don't know just when. You're in my heart, so until then it's time for saying goodbye."_

The morning sun hit me in all its radiant glory. My mother's raspy voice beckoning me to get up was the painful remembrance that it was a new day though I had much rather stayed in bed after what happened last night. I never want to see Edward's face again or any of the others. I don't where we would go from here. I had to talk to somebody but whom. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie were all Edward's friends too and on top of that his siblings so they were not an option. I checked my phone to see thirty three missed calls from Alice, twenty from Jasper, forty from Emmett and thirty from Rosalie but the one person I hoped would call me, Edward. Tears now swelling in my eyes threatened to fall at any moment. They were mocking me, this wouldn't have happened to me if I kept my mouth shut like so many times that I thought I would. One party. Drunk. Blurt out my biggest secret when he revealed is best secret.

Well, I had nowhere to turn to. Then the idea struck me, college. We had all discussed that we would all go to the same college. Though we all received our letters of acceptance to various colleges, we hadn't had time to discuss which we would choose. I had got accepted to almost all the colleges applied to. As I sifted through the letters, tears flowing like a never ending stream, Greenhaven Community College struck me. Perfect! Away from Forks, away from Edward and I knew they would never choose such an insignificant college. I didn't know why it was so appealing to me but..

"Mom, I think I just chose my college to go," I heard myself say and hint of sadness, hurt and loneliness were eminent in it. I heard rapid movement up the stairs, my ever so hyperactive mother I guessed. She would be thrilled, she never liked me hanging out with my friends though I liked them. She burst through the door, yelling,"That is great honey but so soon. I thought you wanted to discuss it with your friends." She said that last word with such contempt and scorn that I thought my mother actually hated them for a reason which was unknown to me.

Letting that slip, I said, "No, I think they would be too busy today anyways I will have to start soon. They can't come with me forever. So I decided already." I was amazed at my emotionless voice, though everything I just said to my mother was the absolute opposite of what I felt. Of course, they would welcome me and insist that I come with them but I can no longer face them because of my own stupid mouth.

"Mom, could you give me a minute." Before she left I headed for the bathroom for I could feel the water works coming. I heard the soft thud of the door then _silence. _I was alone and cold on the bathroom floor.

I am going to miss them so much. They don't even know the reason I am leaving. This is all so twisted. I am leaving the people that accepted me when I was most broken. Alice with her hyperness, shopping and makeup craze who always know just what I am thinking. Then Rosalie though she looked like a supermodel she welcomed me with open hands and talked through all my boy troubles. Emmett, my big brother always over protective and loving. Jasper, just like Alice he knew everything I go through inside .  
>Edward. I felt my breathing hitch at this point and the tears came uncontrollably. He was the one I always go to when I really needed someone to talk. He was good listener and always knew what to say. Everyone around us said that we would end up getting married someday but that is just too far away and too painful to think. We shared a bond that nobody else in our gang had. I wasn't his girlfriend but something more, he always called me <em>his unusual girl.<em> He was supposed to be my best friend but that no longer applied to me. The voice in my head mocking me said that it was my entire fault and it was though the guilt I felt at me moving turned to a bleeding wound that would never heal until I met them again.

By the time I came out of the bathroom, it was noon. Had I been there that long? I laughed at the dark irony, even when I am with them time flew and now when I think of leaving them time flies too. As I made my way downstairs Renee was on the phone with Phil. He was my step father though we rarely see eye to eye. My mother married him right after Charlie, my dad, died in a car accident. I loved my father more than Renee but I wasn't lucky to be with him. That memory too, stabbing me at my most vulnerable moment.

"She has decided Greenhaven College. Yeah, it would be good for her to go away from those awful Cullen children. Their father…" I heard her say but Phil was murmuring something on the other line before she could tell about Carlisle. Though my mother disliked him, I loved him. He was the perfect father figure and was more of a father to me than Phil. With that thought in mind I decided to go get some breakfast for going out was not an option with my best friends out to get me. I got a granola bar, an apple and a milk carton. As I looked out of the window I saw a streak of bronze in the backdrop of the inky darkness of the forest. That bronze…  
>"Bella, I arranged for you to go to college day after tomorrow. I know it is bit early but Phil has some baseball games coming up and he thought it would good be if I could come," she said in a sing song voice and I could tell she wanted me to say yes. I gave her just what she wanted. Before we could continue the conversation a loud banging ensued through the kitchen. When I looked through the window I saw a yellow porche parked in the driveway which could only mean Alice.<p>

No! No! No! I can't see her; she would convince me to not go. I stuck to my final resort. "Mom, please could you tell her that I don't want to see her." A moment later I ended up in bed crying. Alice, so loving Alice. How could I do this to her? For your sanity, the voice answered.

I want to get a last look at her and made my way to the window. I saw my mom slam the door. As she went she looked up to me and I could see that I was breaking her heart. Her mascara was running, her eyes were swollen and her clothes. They were same clothes that she was wearing last night which was unusual for her. The pain, the anger and the hurt I knew was irreversible. With one final look, she left. I could see with Alice, my old life sifting away in the mirror.

Soon, the day I would go to college arrived. The car was packed and my mother was supposed to take me. I took one final look at my bedroom before turning to leave vowing that when I return, it would be a new Bella. Or could it? I left all for the sake of love.

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><p><strong>Well, what do you think? Please tell me, Bad, horrible, you should be arrested or ok... Looking forward to hear from, please drop a review if you think this tory is worth one. Any suggestions, any advice and any insults are gladly welcomed in the name of self improvement. :))<strong>

**Thanks anyways for reading... Enjoy fanfiction for it is truly fantastic... :)**


	2. Unexpected Encounter

_**Helloooooo again :) Well first and foremost I want to thank edwardluver1721 for her review which is my first review ever on fanfiction. Thank you for helping me write this second chapter for I almost lost hope... So thankyou... Please guys if you have anything that you want to say or add to this story please feel free to pm me or write a review. **_

_**Enjoy:)))** _

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><p><strong>Unexpected Encounter<strong>

Greenhaven had been a safe haven for me these past two years, helping me withdraw more into myself. Some people may think that is actually unhealthy but I don't. Letting myself make good friends and eventually falling in love with my best friend took this toll on me. As these thoughts were swimming through my mind, I packed. This was my last day at my comfort zone. I discussed with my mom to go to university to get a degree and she wholeheartedly agreed. In my mind I knew that it was not because she wanted me succeed rather she woud get to travel with Phil. Who am I to blame her, afterall I left everything behind in Forks for a selfish reason.

I looked around the room, it was pin neat with everything in its proper place, the way I found it two years ago. As I turned to leave hot, angry tears were falling down my cheeks. Those tears always came in the night but today thinking of yet another goodbye from a place I loved it is hard. I decided against going home. I was still in too much pain and guilt to return. Suddenly a sound behind me interrupted my thoughts. As I peered behind, I saw a mob of black hair hit into me, enclosing me in a hug. With gasp I realised it was Angela.

"Hey, Angela," I said slowly my voice now emotionless. She seemed to understand that I want to be left alone yet knowing me not wanting to be rude she started to speak. "Bella, I want you to know that I will only be a call away if you need me. This university is a fresh start. You are an amazing person. If you do meet Edward and the other Cullens I know you will come out of this shell and they will be happy too." I flinched as she said - Edward's name. It has been a long time since I heard out loud. Besides the Cullens, Angela was the only person who knew my story. "Yes Angela. I understand. I need to go to catch the bus now. Anyways I will miss you. Thankyou for helping me when I needed it the most." With one last hug I left, Angela's hyper nature, her black mob of an hair and her words that always hit home reminded me of someone from my past that always lingered on the edge of my mind every minute of every day for the past two years.

The bus ride to Charldonville University was not in the least fun. My fear washed over me. What if Alice was there? What if Edward... I was once again interrupted by the conductor of the bus relating that we have arrived. The window gave me a blissful view of the University. It stood to be about eleven stories tall. There were golden rims that circled around the building creating a picture of privelege. I thought it was supposed to be insignificant but evidently not. There were a couple of kids outside playing basketball.

"Thankyou" I mumbled to the bus driver before making my way over to what I thought would be the front office. In a school this big, you can never know. The doors opened to a woman wth stiff hair and glasses wearing an expression of true stern looking upto me. "Hello, I am Bella Swan," I said timidly before I could continue any further. "Yes, I expected you here soon. Here's schedule and I hope you will make this university proud. Thankyou. Along with your pass I gave you your dorm number and the map of the building. You will not be needing anything else," she said in one breath leaving mr breathless.

As I turned to leave, an electric shock rocked my body as what awaited me when I looked towards the door. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were making their way towards the office. Where was Edward? The adrenaline rushed through. I had to do something. My books. I put them down and pretended to kneel down and get them. Thankfully my hair was long so it covered my face perfectly. Suddenly Alice motioned Emmett and Jasper to wait outside or told them to leave. Now only Alice made her way inside the office. At once she looked at me, her expression both shocked and happy but emotions went into turmmoil. Surprise. Happiness. Guilt. Hurt. These feeling at once made me cry, tears fell down my cheeks and onto the floor silently. At once Alice ran into me, her cold body enveloping me in a hug. I was too breathless to speak. She was my best friend and here she was.

"Oh, Alice. I missed you so much!" I axclaimed through the tears. "I missed you too," she retorted in her sing song voice which always sounded like music to me. "We will have time to explain later honey. Come one! Let me get my schedule and then we can leave." Still holding me she took her schedule and had a small discussion with the woman and soon turned to me. Her vibrant smile, bubbly personality and crazy fashion sense soon bought a smile to my face.

We turned to leave and for the second time today, I became speechless. That bronze hair. The sharp yet beautiful face. the tall build and muscles. Edward. He was here too. I mentally cursed myself for being so stupid. Alice stiffened next to me for some reason.

"Bella," that velvet, smooth musical voice called me in what I though was delight. Then I saw what shocked me the most today...

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><p><em><strong>Well, there finally Edward. Now it is more interesting for me to write my story.. Perhaps we may see Edward's point of view next chapter... And please drop a review with any suggestions, insults or advice you want to give.<strong>_

_**And dont forget... Enjoy fanfiction for it is truly fantastic!**_


	3. An Uncomparable shock

**Hello... This aFALLENromantic once again bringing you a little Edward spice in this chapter... Before you continue to read I want to thank _edwardluver1721 _and _Love-clear-as-day for their continuous support in writing this story.._**

**_Hope you enjoy it!_**

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><p><strong><span>An Uncomparable Shock<span>**

_Previously_

_"Bella," that velvet, smooth musical voice called me in what I thought was delight. Then I saw what shocked me the most today..._

I tried to contain myself, not to let my inner emotions control my actions but that has always been impossible with Edward around. I felt for the first time in months, my lips break into something resembling a smile. Edward too stood in amazement but didn't do anything to come any closer. The shame I felt in the previous years evaporated as saw him and usddenly felt over concious about my situation. My cheeks bloomed a light pink blush which embarrased me further knowing that he would notice that.

His contagious smile, his golden eyes, his strong demeanour and most of all his caring attitude drew me in until finally three years ago I knew I was in love with Edward Cullen. Over time we began best friends, him always defending me when I needed, you could say he was my own _personal guardian angel._... We shared a bond that no one in our little group had though they were my best friends it was Edward who I will always turn to when I needed. At this moment that love I held for him all those two years was a disastrous cyclone breaking through all the barriers I built to hide my pain all those years.

"Eddiekins," a penetrating tingle of a voice sounded. I felt Alice stiffen next to me and Edward's face resembled that of an angry lion now his eyes piercing me for some reason. _What did I do? _The girl now coming towards us was beautiful, I mean that must be the biggest understatement of the year. She had strawberry blond hair framing her face and meticulously placed curls that complimented her eyes.. Her eyes, they were one the most beautiful eys I have ever seen, a concoction of golden adn black with some streaks of a striking red colour. I am pretty sure I gasped.

She soon came behind Edward and like child jumped infront of him placing a passionate kiss on his lips. My mind forever slow didn't register this in time. _A what? Kiss, Kiss, Kiss Edward that girl... _I saw both Edward and Alice looking at me closely probably waiting for me break down which I knew was inevitable.

When the girl spoke in her musical voice again, this time it sounded boring and annoying nevertheless she said, "Who is this Eddie? Is she a friend? She is not one of your girlfriends, is she?" _Girlfriends? _I stood gaping at her willing my tears go away but they couldn't be held down for too long. My heart gave a thid and I knew then that this girl had taken my place. My mind now screaming rationalized my opinion, _How could I fit in with them? I mean look at them.. She fits right in. They are all beautiful, the voice, the eyes, the face. She looks just like one of them... _

What came next shattered my already broken heart..

"Tanya, don't be silly dear. How would I know her, we just came to new place entirely. You know darling for someone so smart sometimes you can be very suspicious. You know that I am only seeing you," the velvet voice said every word rolling as smooth as silk from his tongue. _Have I been away so long that he forgot me? Or are my ears defying me? _When looked at Edward, my blurry vision proved to me that he was not kidding at all. Whoever this Tanya was she had replaced me. It was my own fault for leaving anyway but the overwhelming hurt was unbearable. I felt my entire body shake with tears now spilling with each breath rolling down my cheeks, they were the proof of my sadness, shock and silent pain. But he said my name before _she _came. He said Bella, that voice that so many times comforted. Adrenaline rushed through my body bringing spurts of anger but eventually I understood he didn't want Tanya to know that he knew me.

Alice gasped but soon regained her posture and squeezed me. The angry expression on her face told me that she was not in agreement of Edward's words. _At least one of my ex best friends still I presumed hadn't forgotten me._

That was final then.. I rushed out of the room without any knowledge of where I was...

_Edward's POV_

We left Forks in one of those rare sunny days however it was still sprinkled by the lightest touch of rain. Emmett and Rosalie were having a incredibly loud makeout session giving me very clear yet disgusting images. Though I tried to block them out, it was useless. Another hazard of being me. Being adopted gave them that pportunity to mate if we were real sisters and brothers that would have just been plain weird and unacceptable, Finally, everyone was ready to leave. I didn't feel bad, for leaving for I knew we would return anytime Esme or Carlisle wanted us.

Saying good bye to Esme was the hardest part, she was the gentlest of us all and in many ways acted like my mother. "Good bye Esme. I will miss you," I said and enveloped her in a hug. The same continued as my brothers Emmett and Jasper bid goodbye followed by my sisters Alice and Rosalie. Then we all separated into our different cars, me in my Volvo, Emmett in his monstrous jeep, Rosalie in her BMW convertible and finally Jasper and Alice in her new Aston Martin.

_You will be surprised at what you will find but try your best Edward with that person for that is where you will find real happiness. Say hello to Tanya for me. _Esme's voice sounded in my head. _What on earth was she talking about? _Without any time to ponder further I made my way to Tanya's house which was just round the road from mine. Tanya was my _girlfriend_ so to say. We started going out a two years ago but still I can't find it in me to let her move in with me though she is very supportive of that idea. She is my girlfriend I guess for the one reason which could shatter my family. I had to put up with her until I find a resolution.

With her onboard and her awful lot of luggage we made our way to Charledonville University for yet another _start_...

When we arrived at Charledonville, I could see a bus arriving with I assumed new kids. The building of the university was in itself very grand and it is not often that I who has seen many achitectural designs deign that kind of compliment. I could see that the other members of my family had arrived and they were slowly making their way to the reception.

_Come to the reception a little bit later. Don't bring Tanya. _Alice. What is she playing at now? "Eddiekins, should we go to the reception. The others are already heading there," Tanya whispered in my ear in what I would think is _sexy_ voice but it had quite the opposite reation from me. "Don't call me Eddiekins. Why don't you get your hand luggage out? I have something I want to deal with," I snapped and without another word made my way to Alice.

I could hear Alice saying in voice too low for others to hear and too fast but being us we could, " Emmett and Jasper I will bring your timetables and the what not, you all have to leave now. Only Edward is supposed to be here," her voice tinted with excitement and happiness. I tried to read her but her thoughts were blocked to me. At once a wind of freesia, lilac and strawberry hit me. My throat ached and burned. That smell could only mean...

Then I saw her standing next to Alice still looking her innocent self and mute to me . Her lush brown hair had turned a deeper colour, her eyes looked guarded yet it seemed almost relieved. Her began to beat faster as I approached her. She was the only girl in my life who could make me speechless. The waves of smell was overwhelming me at such a short distance and came to a halt. I remained astonished at the sight of her and my genius remark was, "Bella." Her eyes bored into mine and the smile that appeared on her face could make any heart flutter even a dead one like mine.

Who could interrupt a moment such as this? Tanya

"Who is this Eddie? Is she a friend? She is not one of your girlfriends, is she?" _Is she crazy? How could she talk about my Bella like that? _Did I just say _my Bella_? No time to question that. I had to come up with a response fast otherwise god only knows what she will do to my family.

Next words I uttered made me a criminal. "Tanya, don't be silly dear. How would I know her, we just came to a new place entirely. You know darling for someone so smart sometimes you can be very suspicious. You know that I am only seeing you." I could see tears pool in Bella's eyes as she met mine bullets of hurt, confusion and guilt wizzed in them. I wanted to pull her into my arms, comfort her as I have done many times before but I knew she would understand why I said those things. She was a unique person. Then I saw her give in to her temtation to leave, sobs already breaking from her chest.

Every time she sobbed my heart broke into a million pieces. My Bella. My best friend. My confidant. She was right now wallowing in pain yet I did nothing but stand here.

_Way to go idiot... Didn't Esme tell you to make an effort. But stay away from her Eddiekins. Go play tongue wrestling with your girlfriend. _

I could hear how angry and fuming Alice was, if only she knew what sort of danger I prevented just now by saying that. An unhappy sigh escaped me. "Oh Eddie don't worry. She is just another one of those dieing for girls who will do anything to get a boyfriend especially one like you," Tanya crooned in mean manner. This sent shivers down my spine and I had to control myself by thinking of Bella or otherwise I just might have slapped her.

Without another word I turned around my mind already working on a plan. _How had Esme known she would be here? Why has Alice been hiding if she did get a vision like that? Why did Bella leave in the first place? _All there question not answered left me confused and curious but one thing I knew _I will make an effort for Bella. She was and still is my unusual girl. _

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><p><strong>Well, that was sad... Anyways please people drop a review and I want to know how you guys feel about this... Those reviews would be greatly appreciated...:)<strong>

**And Enjoy fanfiction for it is truely fictiontastic! :)**


	4. Comfort and Play

**Hey everyone, here is a sweet chapter for you all. I want to thank all me reviewers and all the people who put alerts, faves for this story. Thankyou everyone for being so patient with this too. I really appreciate everyone's support. **

**Hope you enjoy this, more insight into Tanya... *Sigh* What a person she is?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. That is life... **

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><p><strong><span>Comfort and Play<span>**

_Bella's POV_

I found myself at the edge of a pond where a soothing waterfall fell rythmically. Though it calmed me physically, my emotional moods were not to be conjured with. I felt alone, more so, even though I knew somewhere in this campus were my once best friends. Edward's words ate at me and confused me _he said he didn't know me but he said my name before 'she' came. My Edward would never do something like that to me. _

My mind retorted rationally, _How is he 'your' Edward? He is Tanya's Edward, you can obviously see he is in love with her and vice versa. Did I ever think that I would have a chance? _A feeling of inferiority took over me. _How could I..._

My thoughts trailed off at the approach of a tall, lean figure in the distance. Even though he was faraway, my body reacted to the physical presence with such amplitude. My breathing hitched, my palms began sweating and my heart was racing at a million beats per second. As he approached me I could see a smile playing on his lips.

"Hey, Bella," he said in a casual tone. _Hey, Bella. That is all he can say. After everything he said back there. _Í suddenly felt light headed but acknowledged his comment. "Come on Bella, you didn't seriously believe what I said back then," Edward continued in a humorous manner but I knew that he wasn't telling me something. I gathered my strength and said, "Edward, what are you hiding from me?" Without any notice he hugged and pulling me onto his lap.

This was unexpected nevertheless I responded. "I am so sorry Bella. I never meant to say those things to you. I had to. I had to. I.." he repeated in a overwhleming, heart-breaking voice. "Oh Edward, it's okay. Please I forgive you," I tried to comfort him. Though he seemed to be cry I knew he was not capable of that. When he pulled back some of the tightness around his eyes has softened and was now lighter golden orbs peering into my soul.

"So Bella, would you like to start where we left off?" With that we lapsed into a comfortable conversation for what seemed like several hours, watching the sunset and until the night dawned on us.

_Edward's POV_

I felt my dead heart breaking at the sight of Bella crying but being the proud jerk I made my face look happier and made it smile. I could hear Bella's sobbing all the way in the dorms and it pained to the point I could no longer wait. Alice heard this too so she was going to comfort Bella but I stopped her and said I would go there myself. Her response startled me, "Yes, that would be good I guess. It would make her hidden feelings come back," she trailed off captured in her visions that were somehow blocked to me. With Alice's thoughts and Tanya's constant complaining I knew I had to get out there to her. Bella always had a calming hold over me.

Before I coud leave Tanya bombarded me, "Edward, I know that you know her. I know the truth. This time I am willing let it go. But any infraction of this kind, Uncle Aro will get a call," she relayed the terms in an overly sweet voice. I waited for her to continue, "Oh, even better I am going to see him right now." At this I stiffened. _No! My Bella!_

"Tanya come on. She was just my friend a long time ago. I have forgotten her until today, " I said in a strained voice. _My Bella would be in trouble, my family. _Í was frantic inside though I didn't want to show Tanya that. She didn't respond to my comment though her thoughts said _Not today maybe Edward but be careful. I don't want you talking to her. Remember we are a COUPLE and I am sure you know what that entails. Go now and talk to your human pet.. Bye_

I knew she wouldn't be back for a while. Talking about Bella that way made me angry but mastering my anger I turned to go to the pond. If it wasn't for the fact that my family and my Bella was in trouble I would probably tare Tanya to shreds and burn her.

Now back to Bella, I heard her heart raising as I came towards, this made me happy in some level. What ensued after this was supernatural. I told her in an arrogant way trying to hide my true feelings, "Hey, Bella." I made it sound casual though it was anything but that, I couldn't read her but I could tell she was confused and it hurt her more. Cursing myself I tried to make the matter before sound simple too, "Come on Bella, you didn't seriously believe what I said back then." But it didn't work soon I pulled her into a hug breaking down and confessed my feelings of regret. During this process I had pulled Bella onto my lap and somewhere back in the dorms I heard Alice squeal. _Stupid Pixie! _Then Jasper and Emmett joined him. _Woah dude, Bella looks hot!_ that obviously being Emmett and Jasper going _Well Edward you have got it bad. _

She listened to me patiently and being Bella she forgave people very easily. But I could see the pain still in her eyes though she tried to comfort me. Then did we begin to talk about our past before I knew it was night time.

Tanay returned at nightfall, _I see you are still with you little pet. _A low growl escaped at these thoughts. _Never mind her Eddie, come and talk to me_

I slowly got up and gave Bella a kiss on the cheek to which she turned that awfully cute red colour, chuckling to myself I bid a sad goodbye. I could see her chocolate coloured orbs fill with tears at me leaving her but I had to. _Oh how sweet.. _Tanya

I thought _I would make her understand one day and when that day comes, Tanya will be dead meat. _

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><p><strong>Well, That is that... Please guys drop a review... And could you tell me what kind of personality suits Tanya a bitchy persona or a swet=et caring persona? Please pm me this or drop a review I would really appreciate it. I want to start working on another story... Thanks for reading<strong>

**Bask in FANFICTION, no other site this FANtastic...:)**


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